Fragen... question

If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.
- Rene Descartes

Ich glaube das ist wahrheit. Ich habe das getan. Ich bin ganz sicher -- mein Gott ist GOTT!

I believe this is truth. I have done this. I am completely sure -- my God is GOD!

Ich danke Gott, dass er deises Freundinnen zu mir mitgebraucht. Jetzt, ihnen suchen die Wahrheit.
I thank God, that he brought these girls to me. Now, they seek the Truth.

mutating missionary

& ebenezer

PS: "If I obey Jesus Christ, the Redemption of God will rush through me to other lives, because the deed of obedience is the Reality of Almighty God." Oswald Chambers - My Utmost for His Highest

November my Birthday MONTH

Excerpt from my journal this morning:

November 1, 2009

I am blessed!

It is November 2009. I have survived and actually thrived for almost 4 years of living in a foriegn country.

I have ( ALL while not being fluent in the language - in fact in the beginning speaking with hand and feet):

• moved across the Atlantic ocean
• bought a car
• set up house
• lived without kitchen and furniture for over 2 months
• designed a kitchen
• had a kitchen installed
• bought and installed lights
• learned the driving laws
• dealt with a foriegn business to install phone
• dealt with a foriegn business to deliver and put together furniture
• gotten a German driver's license
• bought and had installed washer and dryer
• learned how to use them
• learned how to shop
• learned how to maintain a car
• learned how to order in a restaurant
• learned how to travel
• learned how to make reservations over phone
• learned how to get/give directions
• learned how to converse in German
• learned how to drink tons of coffee
• learned how to make doctors appointments
• learned how to get help in the emergency room
• learned how to have an operation in a foriegn country
• learned how to travel into other foriegn countries
• bought and learned how to play a harp
• learned how to be sensitive to different cultures
• learned I really am proud to be an American
• learned how to walk shoulder to shoulder in a foriegn land with brothers and sisters in Christ
• learned how to lead women that don't speak my language to the Lord
• learned how to teach inductive bible studies in German (not well - but done)
• learned how to laugh softer but harder
• learned how to cry louder and longer
• learned I can be incredibly angry with other cultures
• learned that God is truly with me where ever I go.

your mutating, mutating, mutating missionary

& ebenezer

Don't Let Me Go

My bedroom holds many memories of family and friends. My red-prayer-chair sits in my bed room, as does this card my mom gave me for my birthday one year. Every year around my birthday I remember the day she gave it to me. It was in the year 2000. I had met a man on a plane in October after coming home from a mission trip to Holland over the summer. This man would change my life. He took me down a road of expectation. I hadn't been down that road for many years. He was and is a famous jazz musician.


But this one card holds memories of that experience because my mom was having to deal with the possiblity that I might, just might begin a relationship with a man that she 'culturally' might have problems accepting, and yet knowing that as the wonderful believer she is ... well, she would just have to! If we loved each other.


The card is in black and white and says, "What a delightful difference one single life makes!" The card had/has many levels of meaning. The possiblity of the married kind of love for me was real. It might have happened - but 9-11 sent us on different paths. His pain in New York was great - my pain in Flower Mound was given to God.

and He carries this one single life - continually!



mutating missionary
& ebenezer
PS my favorite line in the above song: Teach me to pray, Teach me to love to obey, Teach me to pray.

herbst - not the kind the orthodontist uses...

I love autumn, fall, herbst!
I find it tantalizing. Such a hint of playfulness. The leaves dance in the wind and then fall to create a blanket on the floor of mother earth, they turn different colors overnight. The wind whips around corners and haunts my bedroom. The sun chooses which hours to shine and which hours to hide away behind the clouds.
I love autumn, fall, herbst!

and it is a season when all of my creative juices bubble!

mutating missionary
& ebenezer

Does He NEED you/me to do it? Does He NEED you/me to do anything?

Who grows a church?

I'm involved with a group of wonderful people on the other side of my past world and we desire to build a church.

This is our desire.

You might ask why? Isn't Germany the home of Luther? of the great theological minds? of huge churches and wide and deep histories?

Yes. It is.

But... people here are considered out dated if they actually believe what the bible says about God.

So... do you think that Satan would really be without concern for a church that has a really good biblical teacher, praise music that most hear only in concert halls, a few people (30-50) attending regularly and living life out with each other, hungry new believers, and hearts that are completely God's. Do you think that maybe he would hummmmm like.... not really want this to happen?

I've been wondering how he might try to clip our wings. But... this I know!

Nothing happens in the life of a believer that is not sifted through the loving hands of a loving and compassionate God. The spiritual attacks, the physical attacks, the poor choices, the unwise decision... somehow... somehow... God will triumph.

Why? Because He said He would. Because it is not about us. He will not allow His name to continue to be sullied. He will not... He will not...

And so when I don't understand something, when I am confused in this place, when I watch my loved ones hurt and hurt for them, when I discern choices for positive or negative in this body of believers, where do I run? When I have others come to me and ask why someone is doing something... and grow tired of saying, talk to that person...

Where do I run? Where do I run?

Into the arms of a sovereign God. He who allows us to suffer the consequences of our own actions, but will not allow Satan to destroy us.
I wonder... does He ever get tired of my having to remind myself of these facts?

He grows His church.

I really need Him to hold me during the growing pains though. I really need Him to hold me.

Because I know that the consequences don't last for just a week... they last a life time.

what is in a name?

Names are very important to me. They stand for something. I have three children and much thought and prayer was given before I named each one.
My oldest (Bryce Derek = Breach and Swift Moving: I thought that appropriate since he was a breach birth and 3 months premature) / (Erin Leigh = Peaceful Meadow: and she truly is our conflict resolution specialist) / (Grant Douglas = Great Provider: He has provided us with more than money sense during his short life on this earth. At about 13 years old he won a tough guy award because he didn't cry from being stung by a wasp on a boyscout camp out. He climbed into the car afterward and told me, "Mom, it isn't hard not to cry about a wasp sting. Wasp stings go away. What really hurts and is the pain in a person's heart. That pain isn't so easy not to cry about.")

Names are very important.

Today in my readings I came across Gideon. Gideon, you probably have heard about him. He was the guy that God called to get Israel back on track. He was chosen by God to get the Midianites out of control. He destroyed a temple of Baal (his father's) and gave an offering to the one True God. And God was pleased. But, the neighbors were not!

They sought out the culprit that destroyed the temple and found out it was Gideon. They went after him and his dad 'protected (?)' him. The story goes like this:

"They said to one another, "Who did this thing? And when they searched about and inquired, they said, "Gideon the son of Joash did this thing." Then the men of the city said to Joash. "Bring out your son, that he may die, for he has torn down the altar of Baal, and indeed, he has cut down the Asherah which was beside it." But Joash said to all who stood against him, "Will you contend for Baal, or will you deliver him?" Whoever will plead for him shall be put to death by the morning if he is a god, let him contend for himself, because someone has torn down his altar."

Therefore on that day he named him Jerubbaal, that is to say "Let Baal contend against him." because he had torn down his alter." Judges 6:29-32 (read more about the way that God helped Gideon in Judges... but then later in chapter 7 it begins:

"Then Jerubbaal (that is, Gideon) and all the people who were with him rose early and camped beside the spring of Harod; and the camp of Midian was on the north side of them by the hill of Moreh in the valley. The LORD said to GIDEON (emphasis mine), "The people who are with you are too many for Me to give Midian into ther hands. for Israel would become boastful, saying, "My own power has delivered me."

GREAT stories!!!

But back to the point of this blogspot. Names. This morning, I found it interesting that people changed Gideon's name, but God still called him Gideon! There are times in the word where God has changed people's names. Sara, Saul, etc. etc. And He also tells us that He has given us a secret name that only He knows. This name He will give us when He sees us face to face and I believe our hearts will leap when He calls us by this name.

But this is the only place that I have taken notice of people giving someone a name and God not going along with it.

How often do we give people names? labels? How often do we give ourselves names? labels? What names does our God call us?

Mine is rre: chosen daughter of the king! Not: woman who has left her own 'successful'career and life to become a 2 year old in a foreign land unable to converse over the smallest and most simple theological truths!!!!!!! ---- this is so often what I feel like.

However, I can certainly get none of the glory for any fruit that is being harvested!!!!!!!! AND His Name is being glorifyed as fruit is being harvested!!!

and I am so excited that He allows me to worship and adore Him. May I do it the rest of my life.

mutating missionary

& ebenezer

"The men of Judah attacked Jerusalem also and took it. They put the city to the sword and set it on fire. After that the men of Judah went down to fight against the Canaanites living in the hill country, the Negev and the western foothills. They advanced against Canaanites living in Hebron ...and defeated Sheshai, Ahiman, and Talmai. From there they advanced against the people living in Debir.... And Caleb said, 'I will give my daughter Acsah in marriage to the man that attacks and captures Kerith Sepher." Othniel son of Kenaz, Caleb's younger brother, took it. So Caleb gave his daughter Acsah to him in marriage.
One day when she came to Othniel she urged him to ask her father for a field. When she got off her donkey, Caleb asked her, "What can I do for you?"
She replied, "Do me a special favor. Since you have given me land in the Negev, give me also springs of water."
Then Caleb gave her the upper and lower springs. Judges 1:8-15

I am really amazed sometimes at how much I don't know the word of God. I don't know how many times I have read this passage. I don't know how many times I have skimmed this passage. But, I have never been captured by these verses before. Was Acsah greedy? Spoiled? Worried?
As I read the verses I see much war, much uncomfortableness, much going on. I know for me seeing those I love go off and not come back from a war situation is disconcerting. I remember Viet Nam, The Gulf War, and now what is going on in the middle east...
But, this woman was bound to a warrier. He had conquered and she was his reward. I don't see her as spoiled. She did what her father required. (I don't see anywhere that anyone asked her who she wanted to marry) She was obedient to her father and married the guy. But then she asks her husband to ask for land. He does and Caleb gives it. I wonder was she aware of the brevity of life and wondering how to make sure that she was taken care of. She asks her father and he gives her what she asks. I don't think this was wrong or selfish. I think that she was thinking of her needs and making sure she and any descendents she had would be taken care of. Remember he husband was a warrier...
I am not going into all of the ins and outs of this scripture... Just pondering it.
I might come back and say none of this was correct, she was a jerkett and she was selfish as is evidenced later in this verse and that verse...
But, right now I am pondering that fact that she was provided for. Not only that she was provided for but she realized that she needed springs - springs of running water. When she got off her donkey, I can just imagine Caleb seeing a concern in her face. Because he asks her, "What can I do for you?' Have you ever heard God ask that? I have.

I am asking God to give me springs of water. He has given me SO much. I am thankful. But there is a disturbance within me. I want Him even more. I am asking Him to pour Himself over me with fresh springs of living water and for me to swim in the love that I know He has for me.
And I am asking for springs of water from my heavenly Father who has already given me land. I am asking because He is asking me, "What can I do for you?" I ask for more of Him.

mutating missionary
& ebenezer